True stories of loss

Experiences 
 
..."Building a cultue of life requires more than law; it requires changing hearts. "
                                                                                                President George W. Bush,
                                                                                                January 22, 2008
 
 
Women across our nation walk through the doors of abortion facilities for many different reasons. The only thing they all have in common is. . .
they will be mothers who have had a child to die
. . .from abortion.
 
 
     "It's been 14 years since my last abortion, and it's been a week-and-a-half since
     my last nightmare of my abortions."
                                                                               Caron Strong
 
     . . ."I phoned the abortion clinic to advise them that I was bleeding very heavy and
     I was told it was normal, and whatever I did, not to call my regular doctor. A few
     days after that, I was rushed to the hospital by my unknowing parents fter almost
     having bled to death rom an incomplete abortion. I had an abortion for completely
     selfish reasons."
                                                                                                    Julie Thomas   
 
     "No one ever told me that abortion was something that I would have to live with every
     day of my life. I never conceived another child. Abortion damaged my emotions, my
     relationships and my dreams."
                                                                      Karen Keitzman
 
     "My next two pregnancies weren't normal. For the first time in my life, I developed
     physical documented illnesses. Although physically I was never the same, nothing
     compares to the shame I experienced for the next 25 years."
                                                                                                   Cynthia Carney
 
  
Abortion hurts everyone - families, friends and future generations.
 
It is by sharing our personal experiences we hope 
to change the hearts of the people of America.
 
 

 
"Rape crisis, birthing experiences, divorce law all got changed
because women  dared to speak the truth of their lives.
 If we can't hear women, then where are we?"
 
                                                                            Peg Johnston, abortion clinic director
 

Four abortions, I was lied to

"I'm from Brentwood, Tennessee. I had my four abortions: that abortion would hurt me, that abortion would put my own children's life at risk, that I would have miscarriages. This is my Story:

Abortion #1: My first abortion was in Memphis, Tennessee, on Union Avenue, and the nurses sat above me and talked about birthday cake while my tears rolled off. And I thought if I got it fast enough, it wouldn't turn into a baby, and I did not know that the word "fetus" means unborn child. And when I got into the recovery room, I sat with other women that looked like they had just gone in for a facial, because that is how it has become for so many women.

Abortion #2: My second abortion was also in Memphis, Tennessee, and it was in a house, and it was the most painful experience I've ever endured in my life. And I thought it was going to be a quick and easy experience, because that's what I was told, and that's what I wanted to remember. But it was the most painful experience in my life. My child was a lot further along than we thought it was. The doctor wouldn't speak to me other than to say to hold still and be quiet. I pinched into the nurse's arm so badly that I thought she was angry with me, and I thought I was drawing blood. And I screamed because I couldn't stay quiet.

Abortion #3: I have very little memory of my third abortion, except that I bled for weeks, and weeks, and weeks afterward.
 
Abortion #4: And my fourth abortion in Glendale, California, they called me and they said, we don't think we got it all. And I didn't know at that time that what they did was that they looked at the head and the torso, and the two legs, and the two arms, to determine that they had gotten the completion of my baby. I did not know that. So, hardened as I was by my fourth abortion, I said, "What do you think you left a leg or something in me?"
 
Regrets:  It's been 14 years since my last abortion, and it's been a week-and-a-half since my last nightmare of my abortions. My daughter and I drove past a church with a thousand crosses in the front yard, and I pulled over knowing what it was representing, and we picked up the crosses and planted them back into the ground. And I told my daughter, my 4-year-old daughter what I had done, and that she had brothers and sisters that her mommy didn't allow to live. And she said, "I miss my brothers and sisters." And I said, "I do too, honey. I'm so sorry." And she said, "It's okay, Mommy." But it's not okay with me. I was lied to. That is not in my best interest. That is not how you take care of women. I was not cared for. I was not followed up on. I was not observed when I was bleeding. I was manipulated and deceived.
Caron Strong
Federal News Service Inc.
The Justice Foundation Press Conference 1-18-2005
 

The depression, guilt, emptiness and sorrow lasted for 23 years

"My name is Julie Thomas. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. On a rainy, windy day in March of 1978, when I was 18 years old, I went into an abortion clinic in Atlanta seeking wise counsel, concern and information. I went into the wrong place. I was not counseled but given a lengthy legal form that I was expected to read and sign in just a matter of minutes. I wasn't even given time to read it. I was then given an ultrasound, wasn't told what they were doing. It was 1977. I didn't know what an ultrasound was. I didn't know what they were seeing. I was told I couldn't see what they were seeing. They began to tell me that I was too far along in my pregnancy to have an easy abortion. It was going to be more complicated, more expensive, and take at least two days, I decided to go home and tell my parents I was pregnant. They followed me out to the car and told me that a mistake had been made and that they could take care of my problem in just a matter of minutes and I would be on my way. What I didn't understand at the time was that the problem was actually a baby. It was my baby.

The Cover-Up: Several weeks later, I phoned the abortion clinic to advise them that I was bleeding very heavy and I was told it was normal, and whatever I did, not to call my regular doctor. A few days after that, I was rushed to the hospital by my unknowing parents after almost having bled to death from an incomplete abortion. I had an abortion for completely selfish reasons. No one forced me either. I was afraid that my life would not continue as I had planned. I immediately had feelings that just are impossible to explain. At first I was in denial for a long time.

The Regret: The depression, guilt, emptiness and sorrow lasted for 23 years. I experienced guilt, emptiness, unhealthy relationships, long crying spells, panic attacks, difficulties in making decisions, emotional numbness, failed marriages, a miscarriage, strange physical illnesses and spiritual emptiness. I believed that I deserved to be punished for a lifetime. I didn't deserve happiness for what I had done. Not knowing it at the time, I had truly been hurt by abortion. Because I had experienced an unplanned pregnancy, unfortunately I also ended up experiencing the tragedy of abortion. I believed the lie at the time that abortion was safe, quick, and would make the problem go away. I was led to believe that I had no other choice. The terms that were used by my abortionist were very misleading; words like "menstrual extraction," "products of conception," "blobs of tissue." These words only continued to add to my confusion. I know now that these words dehumanize what is being destroyed to deceive not only us but those around us. I know that abortion hurts, deceives and destroys. I now speak out about abortion and I urge other men and women that have been hurt by abortion to speak out and no longer be silent."
Julie Thomas
Federal News Service Inc. 01-18-2005
The Justice Foundation Press Conference



 
The doctor gave me no information / Abortion hurt me

"The doctor at the campus clinic at college asked me if I wanted to be pregnant. I replied, "Not really." The doctor told me ten minutes, and I wouldn't have to. I believed him. The doctor gave me no information on the procedures or the risks of abortion, and he did not make any referrals concerning options for adoption or even crisis counseling. This sounded like a quick way out of my solution and I bought it. After my abortion, I felt an immediate sense of relief. I was no longer pregnant. I didn't have to deal with that. It was over, and I went on with my life. I never looked back -- until 14 years later, when one of my co-workers approached me concerning a personal matter.

Facing the Truth: She was pregnant and had decided to carry her baby to term and raise it as a single parent. She asked for my support so that she could continue working, and I assured her that I would be there for her. A few months later, something unusual began to happen in my own life. Every day after work, I would start going home, lying down on my bed, looking out the window and crying, just weeping. I didn't understand why I was crying, but I was filled with grief and pain. It was something that I couldn't put into words. I saw this lady at work every day becoming larger with child and finally having her baby. When I gave her a set of baby booties, my heart broke. I finally realized what had happened to me 14 years earlier on the abortions table. I was crying not only for the baby that I never had, but I was crying for myself. It was the only child I have ever had. I saw the self-destructive behaviors of my lifestyle and I cried for my family, my husband, and myself. No one ever told me that abortion was something that I would have to live with every day of my life. I never conceived another child. Abortion damaged my emotions, my relationships and my dreams. Is it no wonder that some women find birthdays, holidays and baby showers painful? Abortion hurts women. Abortion hurt me. "

Karen Keitzman
Federal News Service Inc. 01-18-2005
The Justice Foundation Press Conference


I was covered in blood

"I'm from Oklahoma. At the age of 16, I got married and gave birth to a son. One year later, I learned I was pregnant again. It was 1978 and abortion had been legal five years. The words "free pregnancy test" drew me into the clinic. I left that day believing that what was inside me was tissue and that, through a procedure called abortion, that untimely pregnancy could be quickly and safely removed. It was like pulling a tooth, I was told. "Soon your life will be back to normal." My husband and I were surviving on the pay of an enlisted serviceman, and he felt like we couldn't afford another child. After all, it was just tissue. So shortly after that decision, I walked into an abortion facility, and what I remember from that day was the pain was so horrendous that I passed out. As a matter of fact, they asked me several times, "How far along are you?" Yet to this day I have no memory of faces. But when I awoke, I was covered in blood, sweat, and I was numb and in shock. I was only 18. I went home and I bled for the next three days. I didn't know that was called hemorrhaging. I knew I needed to go to the hospital, yet I was too ashamed to walk into the clinic or the hospital and say, "I just had an abortion." So I lay there on my living room couch and struggled. I chose not to go to the hospital that day, and miraculously I survived. My next two pregnancies weren't normal. For the first time in my life, I developed physical documented illnesses. Although physically I was never the same, nothing compares to the shame I experienced for the next 25 years. It wasn't until I faced the truth about my own abortion and started speaking the truth that I was set free from that shame."

Ms. Cynthia Carney
Federal News Service Inc. 01-18-2005
The Justice Foundation Press Conference

 
For the rest of Cynthia's story see Motherhood Interrupted
 

 
Click here for more stories.
 

 
Memorials to the aborted unborn


Memorial 1:

have hurt for so long about the choice I made. I was in a lonely place with a son I could already not take care of. I should have been more careful but hence you were created. I was selfish and didn't have anyone I could lean on to give me good advice. I chose a course that has made me grieve for almost 9 years. Yes, in June you will be 9. I went on to have 2 other children to help me with the pain I felt. They have never replaced you in my heart. I hope that you will forgive my mistake and I hope God will forgive it too. I hope that someday we will meet. I hope that someday I can forgive myself....

I love you,
Mommy

Memorial 2:  

To my unborn baby, whether you were a boy or a girl, I loved you. It was not my decision to do this to you. You made me complete. And then, it was forced upon me to make a decision that I will regret for the rest of my life. I know you are in heaven and I know God is taking real good care of you.

Until the day we meet......
love, mom

Memorial 3:
 
My Dearest Angle in Heaven, my heart is broken for what I have done. I went to my mother she gave me the wrong advice. I beg for your forgiveness and for God's forgiveness, every day. The word sorry is not strong enough for the sorrow that I feel. There is no excuse for what I have done. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and love you. You have two sisters and two brothers, they know all about you, and they still love me. I hope that you can forgive me and love me too. You are 20 years old now, I am so sorry that I didn't defy and let you live.... I am stronger now, if I don't want to do something I don't. For that I have to thank you, because before I was a doormat for people to walk on.. Darling' the guilt, pain, sorrow, get worse everyday. I hope and pray that if I ever get to Heaven to see you, I want to hold you and take care of you like I should have.... Darling' I love you more than words can say, my heart yearns for you and for your forgiveness. May the Lord have mercy on me...A kiss of love upon your forehead a tear upon my cheek....
 
I love you Angle...
Love Mommy
Memorial 4:
 
It has been 14 years since I entered that ugly doctor's office and did away with your life. How I wish I walked the other way that day. How I wish I had known Jesus that day and let him into my heart. I pray I can forgive myself for what I did. You are an angel and I know that one day I will sit with you and hold you and cry for eternity. God forgive me... grant me peace through your son Jesus Christ.

Sleep my angel.
Love Mommy

Memorial 5:

Dear Babies...I was only 13 when this happened. I was terrified. I thought I was in love, mature and I was blind. The relationship between your father and I ended very soon after this. Please forgive me.. I didn't know what to do...this seemed like the way out for me. I was numb. I'm sorry that I took life from you. Now that I'm older I realize how beautiful life is and I want you to know that I am SO sorry for taking that away. I only hope that you can forgive me. I didn't have the strength and courage to go through the fear imagined and anticipated disgust from my family and public. I regret at times not having the courage to give you life and a family. I have worked on forgiving myself and moving forward and would like to complete this by writing to you. You have a sister now. I hope you can see her and love and watch her from above. I hope that when we meet again, we can hold each other and love one another.

I love you.

Memorial 6:

I have made so many wrong choices in my life, but not taking responsibility and aborting you was the biggest mistake ever. I'm so sorry that I buckled under the pressure to have an abortion. Even while I was going through with it, I knew it was wrong. I was just so scared and knew I was going to be on my own and didn't want that to be the case. I wish I had the confidence than that I do now because our lives would be so different now. I think of you so often and wonder how you would look. If you would have blue or green eyes like your dad or me? If your hair would have been curly like mine? I wonder if you would have been an Elizabeth or an Adam? Mostly I wonder if your dad would have ever chosen to be a part of your life? I'm so sorry that I aborted you. I'm never going to forget you. In my heart I will always be your Mom and I know someday we'll meet in Heaven.

XOXO

Memorial 7:

My sweet baby, You don't know how many years that I have regretted my decision. You would have been 31 years old now; but I was not strong enough to tell my parents. I was a coward, a weak, weak person and was not a Christian. My life was so messed up and did not realize what I had done until it was too late. Please forgive me and I will see you in heaven someday with your brother, aunts and grandparents.

 I love you so much.
Mama
 
Memorials Written by Siblings
 
 
Sissy:

You were supposed to be my brother or maybe sister. But I carry the pain of your loss just as if I knew you face to face. Mommy is so very wounded by what she chose but she is now covered by the blood of Jesus. We will all get to see you later. How I hate this horror that is called abortion, it stole you from me.

Your sissy,
Colleen

To my Oldest Sister:

I know Mom made a horrible mistake. And I am not going to make an excuse for her. I feel like I should live for you to. Please Lord Forgive her, and please sis Forgive her too. I know you are in the Lords Arms...

I Love You...sis...
*kiss*

 
My Brother Billy, 

I wish you were here.

I love you.

 




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